Take Up My Cross

Recent trip to Mount Rainier (Paradise)

I was thinking about some women who post on a Facebook group I joined. They want good fruit in their relationships, but they don't want to die to their self-centered ways.

This made me think about me...in my process of seeking better fruit in my personal relationships, I CHOSE self-death, I went after it, I found ways to invite it, I ran headlong into it, I sought it out! I took each "incident" of selfishness and examined it and turned away from my flesh and repented.

In doing so, I experienced the weakening of my flesh and the strengthening of my spirit. I could see how the battle, though it looked SO DIFFICULT, was really just a vapor. The struggle was real, but my victory was certain if I chose to die. Looking BACK over each struggle, each incident battled, I can see how I thought I was up against a thick brick wall, but in reality, it was a curtain of fog, without substance, without mass, without power. I was giving it so much power by cooperating with my own selfishness. All I had to do was shove against it...and I fell to the other side without any struggle after the initial effort of shoving (or choosing to die and repenting).

But in contrast (in my weight loss journey), I have NOT wanted to die. I've done everything possible to make things easy on myself with the least amount of effort toward giving up my own self-centered ways or dying to my own fleshly appetites, attitudes, intentions and motivations. I have allowed the Lord some measure, I've been open to His ways, but I haven't had the willingness or eagerness to SEEK self-death. It was a revelation today (probably again) that I don't really want to die with regards to this process.


But Self-Death is the Way to Life.

I want to change my mind, I want to hurl headlong into self-death...there's SO many opportunities! Each time I want to eat, but I'm not hungry is an opportunity for dying to my fleshly appetites (literally). Moving my body when I don't feel like it, drinking extra water, doing these healthy things because I know I've been convicted about them in the past...

I look forward to more LIFE as I put to death the deeds of my flesh.

The fog rolling in just a short time before the previous photo was taken.