Day Three of a New Me

Me in August 6th around 203ish

I'm very, very, very excited to write this post. I've had an enormous breakthrough that I think is really going to make a huge difference in my weight loss results from this point forward.

I'm only going to summarize because trying to explain everything here isn't really necessary. The Lord has orchestrated several different things to help me see where I need to repent and what's actually going on. Marilyn said to me this week that usually every stronghold has a pattern of sin attached to it and the Lord is showing me. Thank! You! Lord! I know from past experience when you show me, Lord, it is for the purpose of freeing me! Nothing exceeds your mercy toward me, Lord!

I've recently come to embrace (again) the truth that I am too easy on myself as a habitual pattern and this has shown up in my weight loss journey. I let myself off the hook too often, releasing myself from the necessary constraint of feeling hungry and staying under my calorie limits. I need to STOP letting up! I need to START allowing myself to be hungry and stay under my calorie constraint.

There's no conscience to obey in this process, because the Lord already spoke to my conscience about what I need to do at the front of this process and He doesn't need to repeat Himself! That's not to say that He isn't near, ready to lead me moment-by-moment through temptations and need for wisdom, but He is not actually correcting and instructing, He's already done that, He is waiting for me to cooperate! This physical process is the same (and different) from my relational process, but the structure is similar and the intent is reconciliation! Reconciliation in my relationships and in my physical body!

I must STAY UNDER MY CALORIE LIMIT because the mechanism for weight loss is to eat less than I need and this is also the sacrifice, denying my self. The mechanism for spiritual growth is obedience to the Lord's voice through my conscience and the sacrifice being denying my selfish ways of relating.

If I let myself off the hook by eating what I want, when I want (like I've been doing), I am actually sabotaging the exact mechanism that He's designed to set me free! When I let myself off the hook by tossing my calorie goal out the window, I am NOT COOPERATING with Him to bring about His purposes for my weight loss. When I don't allow myself to be hungry, I'm working AGAINST Him! Instead of turning my ship around, I'm just still sailing full steam ahead in the wrong direction, but the matter is actually worse, because I've deceived myself into thinking I'm actually cooperating and should therefore be enjoying good fruit of obedience! Oh, may it never be!

I'm just so grateful for the Lord showing me and bringing so many things together so I can repent! I feel like the eyes of my heart have been unblinded. I felt like I was caught in a spider web. The web itself, though very strong to hold an insect, wouldn't be hard for a human to break through. But I felt tangled and stuck in it's sticky web nonetheless. I felt like the web was cast far and wide and no matter where I turned, I couldn't get to the edge and escape its sticky grasp. I felt like the more I moved, the more entrenched I became in its hold. I felt truly STUCK. But no more! The web has lost its magnetism and I am free to get to the edge and escape.

This is going to go fast. I've always felt like the pounds should melt off me, that it shouldn't take me years to lose the 100 pounds (now just 70 pounds!) I feel like the power that was holding me back has been demolished. Thank you Jesus! I'm really looking forward to good things to come!

UPDATE 10/28/2014: This has been a huge breakthrough, but I haven't been losing weight! Something needs to be addressed!