MPM-My Pizza Moment

Exhibit A. Pizza slices with the crusts cut off. Guilty.

See Exhibit A. Crustless pizza. That's right. I prefer the crusts. Saves on calories (eye roll).

I really am having trouble.

But I realize that with obstacles come solutions. This is actually GOOD.

I need to figure some stuff out, so I'm going to process right here on my blog because that is what it's for: the good, the bad and the ugly.

Yesterday:
-In the morning, I documented in MFP what I was going to eat for the day (but I didn't fill it out for the complete 1449, I had 200 or so calories unaccounted for)
-I was invited to a birthday lunch (I always get the same thing that I love which is about 700 calories, my day could still be ok with a light something for dinner)
-I even passed on dessert, no warm melty chocolate chip cookie, nor ice cream and I WAS FINE, not even a shadow of temptation
-When I came home, I was hungry. I picked up pizza on the way home for my family like we do every Monday.
-I was hungry and particularly tempted by the smell of the pizza (I think the smell is often better than the taste!)
-I ate my salad for dinner which was waiting for me. With my usual breakfast oatmeal, the chicken lettuce wraps and my daily salad, my calories would have been right in the ball park.

BUT

I gave in to the pizza. I had a "pizza moment".

WHAT HAPPENED!? I passed on seriously tasty restaurant dessert earlier in the day only to pig out on pizza crusts AFTER dinner!?!?!?

I really need to dig a little deeper. What happened indeed.

When I break it down, all that really happened is I gave into temptation. I told myself a lie "it doesn't really matter, I'll start again tomorrow, I have to "live", this is going to take so long to lose the weight"...oops, that's several lies!

After talking with my coach today, she reminded me that I am under a false assumption that I'm on a "diet". A diet implies there's a start and end. And that I won't have to do this for the rest of my life. YES, Michelle, the.rest.of.my.life. I'm going to have to be alert at the minimum. I think I have a "right" to not have to quantify calories or hunger or fullness. I think I can actually "be free" without constraints (oh dear, I know where THAT leads me!)

Reality check, Self. I tend toward impulsive behaviors. I tend to be licentious as a bent and food is always going to pose the potential for me to exercise my weakness for any kind of excess! The truth is this: This weight loss journey isn't ever going to end for me. I am embracing this truth right now. This is a long term process and there's no "closed for the season". I'm in this for the long haul.