A New Day

I haven't been up early enough for a sunrise in a looooong time!

The past week (or more) I've felt quite dejected. I've gained a few pounds (big surprise there)! I have lost my motivated mindset and can't seem to get it back...which means I need a NEW one! I don't like to blog during these down times, I tend to prefer to blog after I've had a breakthrough. But I also think it helps me to see my true journey by including these down times. I know I can't give up, I must keep going. This isn't a diet, it's real life and I have to figure out how to do real life and not diet. I just said that twice.

I rattled off a bunch of excuses to my husband who didn't buy any of it. I think that helped me! Thanks Honey!

Today I had a breakthrough, I think. I reviewed in my mind my main motivation for wanting to lose weight. I never want to be on insulin or any diabetes medication. I'm trying to reverse insulin resistance. I wrote it down in my journal to remind me. I've lost 25+ pounds and my shoes even fit better and I LIKE IT! I got thinking about what it actually takes to lose weight...allowing myself to be hungry, staying under my calorie limit, actually counting ALL the calories each day, etc. There really isn't another mechanism for surgery-free weight loss, it's about creating a calorie deficit and keeping my "personal glycemic index" in check.

I had the idea to time block the day like this:
•6am-9am 350 calories
•9am-noon 350 calories
•noon-3pm 350 calories
•3pm-6pm 350 calories and "kitchen closed" at 6pm (or after our family dinner).

For some reason, this visual really helped me today! I'll call it "calorie pacing"...though I'm sure someone else out there already has. Nevertheless, I'm going to think about it again tomorrow. The terrific news is that today I actually have a real number of calories consumed for today!!! I counted everything-yay! That is a great step. I just haven't had the evening discipline to do that for a while.

I really like combining the pen & paper journal with MyFitnessPal. I put MFP on the back burner for awhile to see how I liked tracking just by journal, but I think I really do like MFP! I love being able to look back on my days when needed and it's so easy to keep my exercise log, too.

I wrote some truthful statements on my whiteboard:
•go back to what worked to lose 25+ pounds
•I seem to do fine from when I wake up to before dinner, so I need to really to pay more attention 5pm-10pm
•most impt part of day is 10pm  (if I go to bed early, I can get up early)

My daughter has been drinking tea which has inspired me to re-excite myself over a long ago tradition of starting the day with my day planner, a cup of hot earl grey and a tasty muffin. This morning was F A B U L O U S as I enjoyed hot tea with honey and cream and planned my day! Trader Joe's has a nice bran muffin that is moist and isn't too sweet-can't wait to start my day again tomorrow. Who said that!?

New Goal

Fall color at Gold Creek Pond Nov 8th

I set a lot of goals, but I haven't really committed to one in awhile.

So...

I have a new goal.

195 by December 31st.

Today I weighed 204ish, so that's about 9 pounds in 6 weeks. That's ambitious, but I think I'm up for it. I'm ready to be hungry. After 195, I'm setting a goal of 175 by March 1st.

I am so encouraged that my portion sizes have really shrunk! I'm so satisfied eating real food and 350 calories seems like a lot!

I binged tonight on sugar. Yuck. It feels so awful. I bought some lemon bars at Costco and I ate three in one sitting. Hey, it's not SIX, but still. I need to learn to live with this stuff around, so I'm leaving it on the counter. If I want to eat them, I can record them. Choices.

Sunday Weigh In #37 of 45 in 2014

Sunday Weigh In #37 Nov 2 2014

I was expecting 205+ today. I'm so grateful for the gentle process I'm in. One day truly doesn't ruin anything. At the same time, one day on its own can't fix a bad day either. I'm thankful for the scale, it is a great tool!

Today was 202.4...not all is lost!

Journal

I'm surprised how much I actually enjoy journaling by hand!

I am really liking my journaling by hand. I NEVER thought I would stop using MFP, but now that I'm not looking so much at the macros and I know "I can eat whatever I want within my calorie limit", my focus is more just on the calories.

These struggles (which I call "events" or "incidents") arise more often that I thought. Up until now, I've really been focusing on the principles the Lord has given me. But I've jumped the track again and find myself in a new place of needing to deal with these incidents because I really see how my responses to them MAKE A HUGE DIFFERENCE in reaching my goals or not.

I feel fat. I sat down at my sister's and felt my huge belly sticking out. I don't like that at all. Now that I've broken through 200 (many times!), I've set my new goal at 175. Today my goal is to stay under 1500...I can eat whatever I want, as usual.

I find that I really like planning my eating ahead of time...and then most of the time, I do move things around a bit. I've also (finally) decided how I'm going to count the grilled chicken tenders. Since I use different marinades, I'm just simply going to count them all the same. 100g of grilled or fried (not extra oil) chicken tenders will count as 120 calories. DONE. Don't need to count the macros, just the calories and this simplifies it all. Weigh my portion, count the calories. Simple.

I've also simplified my daily tracking sheet. Instead of filling out an entire sheet of paper, I've made a simple grid, giving myself a "1" if I succeeded and a "0" if not. I like it a lot!

I need to understand that I'm going to feel hungry. But I also can't let myself get TOO hungry...I'm always trying to find balance here.

I'm looking forward to establishing a new pace with my eating and losing. I really like the tools I'm using right now as I've simplified. Still can't get over how much I don't miss using MFP for now. I like that I can use it to quickly bring up calorie counts, though. Grateful for MFP weight tracking, too. Love the graphs!

I did walk 36 miles inside and outside in October! YAY!

I've also started going through a weight loss Bible study and I've had a few insights! I realize that I've been using the wrong weapons to overcome the strong hold food has over me. When I joined that challenge, I thought, if I just exercise everyday and stay under my calories, I'll whiz right through to weight loss. Yes, BUT. What to do with these temptations that seem to be coming my way more than ever? In order to overcome, I need to renew my mind. Yes! More on this in the coming days.